3 things you learn by sitting on a park bench.

While i was waiting on a friend for lunch, i was sat outside Starbucks on a park bench. I was in my own world with my iPod plugged in and staring at the ground.

And I made a couple of important observations.

1. Shoes tell alot about you

Well, i stared at the ground because i felt fat and ugly and my self-esteem was non-existant. .. Anyway.. i watched many feet shuffle by and God the variation! There were hobos with their dug-out-of-the dumpster shoe tied together with string; the obviously tranny-woman with size 11 heels, and the obligatory cool do-it-all Japanese shoes with GPRS, 3G, USB, SMS, MMS, WAP, RFID, MP3 technology. Are you more of a Hotomi-san or a homo-san?

2. There are a lot of pigeons.

Yes. Billions.

I saw one pigeon flying towards a spot on the ground. Next thing you know a fucking million of them come flying out from the gutter and descend upon that one spot. I sat there confused thinking it was a solar eclipse all the while shielding myself from being shat on by the pigeons. How do they communicate? How does that one pigeon command the rest of them? Maybe he is… The One.

3. Clouds are rude.

I looked up at the sky and saw a nipple. I turned to my right and i saw a saggy tit. I was offended.

Just look at the menacing picture of the cloud! What do you see? I see a limp dick, a saggy nipple, a clitoris, and a tongue. The next time you go out with your child, shield their eyes from the sky. It’s plain old rude. I’ll have a word with Jesus the next time i see him.

Day 28

B: Milo
L: Yong Tau Fu
D: Fruits
S: Subway
E: Body Combat
3: My dog for always barking at my door asking me to open so that he can sleep in my room. I think he likes my music from lappie! hahaha. Work meetings at restaurants cos I get to get outta office! Myself for braving self to go gym today! *pats on back*

Women drivers on the A1

Well first off let me clarify that this post is the author’s own experience. (Which happened four friggin times while i was zipping down the A1 and through the countryside). And well, the four times that it happened, the drivers were all women. Oestrogen filled things, uterus and all.

So this is what happened.

It’s a 70 mp/h zone. Like the whole bloody highway is. And this is the debauchery took place:

It was a small one car lane which went on for 50 billion miles or so it seemed. There was a woman driver in front. It’s a 70mp/h road, i’m going at 69 and here you are waltzing and twirling along at 30 in your pink tutus. God only knows what she was doing. I mean just what the hell. What the friggin hell. If you went at 60 that would still have been great. But 30?? My grandma can polish off a kettle of tea, play bingo and recite the Old Testament backwards before you’ve even reached your destination.

Yeah. Frustration is probably an understatement. Try fucked off, annoyed, blue-balled etc etc. Even honks didn’t do the job. She stared up and looked at me and continued at 30 mp/h. What the f.

Finally after what seemed like eternity, Jesus of Nazareth finally parted the road and gave me a leeway so that i may escape that bitch and her clutches of hell. Amen.

I mean, what the feck are you doing in the car while driving, woman?!

Getting a pedicure & talking to your gurlfriends about your last date Steve who never called back, all while driving?!

Breastfeeding little Timmy while driving?!

Trying to cook stir-fried bak choi with scallops that you learnt from Delia Smith while driving?!

Doing Hatha Yoga while driving?!

I honestly have no idea. The highways of the A1 be damned.

Day 27

I got awesome skin! Although, still got so many blackheads, ish!

B: Milo
L: Organic Chap Fan
D: Kim Gary’s Cheese Baked Rice – sinful!
S: Ice cream! 🙁
E: None
3: ikea, srsly i really like lotion!, my photoshop skills 🙂

First online purchase

So after abstaining from shopping online for a long time, I finally caved in and bought 2 pieces of clothing!

LOL

Macam lah I really made a vow to abstain from online shopping! I saw a really awesome deal on 2 pieces of clothes… So I had to buy la! It’s cheap and that’s how I like my clothes!

I’m currently typing this blog post from my iPhone just because I’m lazy to sit up. Lazing on my couch watching tv and waiting for my downloads on Nokia Ovi Player to finish.

In case you didn’t know, I won a new Nokia X6 from a Nokia contest.. Well sorta. They were recruiting for this nokia music explorer thing and I applied for it. Luck was on my side and they called me to collect my new phone!!!

I was so happy. I’m mostly excited about the music downloads! I get to download unlimited music for free!!! Teehee! This Nokia X6 also has all the features any awesome new smart pione would have.

Here are my two purchases:

Tali Tenang

So 2 weeks ago, something really bad happened to Malaysia, the very calmness of this country has been erupted and people started getting angry, pointing fingers, burning things, fighting over such a small thing. What we really want is everything to be alright. I mean, we’ve been living together for almost 50+ years and now, we fight over such a small thing? bonkers la.

Anyways, amidst all the anger among some minority people, its good to see some people trying their very best to keep cool. My brother and I went to pass out flowers of peace in BB area, 2 weeks ago. Yesterday, Louanne and I went for a gathering of cool calm people! HAHA

its called “tali Tenang” = Peaceful/Serene/Calm string.

Its organized by the people who do random things, Random Alphabets and they came up with this idea of Tali Tenang and about 250 people went to participate in the event.

What we did, exactly?

Brought our own tali’s and tied them up together to signify unity and walked from Bangsar LRT to Bangsar Sports Complex walking in between telawi streets, BV2 and houses.

It was fun seeing people giving weird looks, some clapped, some smiled, some whispered, some asked us if we wanted to get caught doing this -__- Overall, we managed to stir up something in people  and that was the main idea 🙂

We were also passing out little cards saying what tali tenang is all about, which made them go.. “owwwhhh”..LOL

Hui Ling’s Flag. It went all the way to US when she was studying there and survived Tali Tenang! 🙂

One pic with me in it by TheChannelC

And the walk starts……

At Jalan Maarof 🙂 Cars were honking, we cheered! It was a fun walk! XD

At the last Telawi Street before heading out to the housing area

Since I didn’t take much picchahs once we reached BSComplex, I managed to grab some from the many photogs who came. THANKS everyone for sharing the photos with me! 🙂

A few pics below are by Chris Spinzer Tock aka @spinzer


Waiting for more people to arrive at Bangsar Sports Complex.

I was of course, Tweeting away! LOL

check out #talitenang for more info!

Everyone was so excited when the bottled water came!  🙂

Blackberries and iphones out! See that man there, with his hands all high up, so happie! LOL.

Group picture! I was holding the PopIn logo because they were there helping us with the videos for the day

Sasha, Moe, Ling, Louanne, Karen

last Muhibah pic was by Andy Gan aka @andygts

These random things to do are awesome. I think more people should come and show their support for peace and unity in Malaysia. Not only was it fun, it was eye-opening and did I mention it was fun?

Owh owh owh, read a news coverage by NST and also by Niki Cheong.

I got the I ♥ KL t shirt in support of RA 🙂 Loving the t shirt. I do wanna get the SPCA version of it.

Went shoe shopping with Louanne after that -_- Awesome tiring day!:)

We're new and loving it.

guideto

You know the feeling.

You’re the new kid on the block. The fresh meat. The chef’s special in a sea full of take-aways. All eyes are on you.

This is us. Read this or else:

Hello

Yeah hello. Life is shit however.

And being the brand new person in a big bad world of the internet can never be easy. The same applies to the workplace, school etc. If you’re the new person… Hah! Good luck.

2

You have the usual cliched groups of the popular kids. The automobile blogs (= jocks in school/bosses in the workplace), the bimbo slut blogs (the whores in school with 52GG breasts/ slags at work who sleeps with anyone with a pulse), the feminist blogs (the school lesbian/ perpetual PMS lady boss), the technology blogs (geek in the school that never gets the girls/ the geek at work that never gets the girls), the local language blogs (the group of similar raced kids sitting together in school), and the rest of the holier-than-thou-because-i-came-first blogs (bastards at school/ pure bastards with bastard hearts at workplace).

It’s daunting. It’s hard when you’re the only normal one there. The one with a little bit of everything. The balanced one.

Here’s what you can do to fit right in to the freakshow that is life.

1. Talk

3

Yes. Talk. Simple as.

If you’re going to go somewhere new and not speak. Then by god you’re going to turn into another cliched group all unto yourself – the one-post-a-millenium-blog (the weird kid in school who cuts himself / the co-worker who you’ve only heard talk once. To himself).

After that. You wait.

2. Wait

4

Let them deliberate your fate. Are you in or are you out?

3. Woohoo!

5

Congratulations. By talking and waiting you’ve succesfully woohoo-ed! You’re now part of the mix.

Well of course, these 3 steps are not without their failures. So attempt at your own risk. I mean, how bad can talking get?

.

.

.

6

Well,  you die. From exhaustion. And no one will be there at your funeral.

Welcome to readthisorelse. We promise to blog often. But only often enough. Don’t want to die from exhaustion now do we?

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